ateneo graduate fail
I hate it when people say that everything happens for a reason. I feel like they're giving up on finding out what the actual reason is. I don't hate it because of the probability that there might not be no reason at all. I mean, who knows, there might or might not be. Okay, I'm not making sense here... which is actually why I'm here writing again...

I do not make sense most of the time. I don't know. Probably. For someone who graduated with a degree in Communications, I suck at getting my point across. I can't seem to find the right words nor make things simpler to understand. I'm not blessed with the gift of gab and I'm sorely jealous of Mara for being so good at this. I stutter when I'm nervous. I tend to whisper when I'm not sure of what to say. And now I feel like the reason why I'm here is for me to practice communicating with people I don't know. Because I'm exclusive like that. 

I suck at coherence and making paragraphs link together... that I have to make a separate paragraph to explain the correlation between the first two paragraphs. I'm just saying that I try to find real reasons in situations. For example, my being here in Singapore. I could think of a lot of reasons why I'm here. It could be because Boss #1 needs Boss #2 in the office while she's away in Shanghai but needs somebody else to be present at the Singapore workshop. That's more likely than "they're investing in me because I do a kickass job" -- because I don't. I mean, I wouldn't be ranting about this whole communication thing had I been doing a kickass job. If I really do kick ass at communicating, I wouldn't be here. I would be somewhere else ordering people around, probably getting more money than I could ever imagine, probably have my own car, and already paying for a frickin' condo unit. But I digress. I guess what I'm saying is that the real reason why I'm here is so I can practice my poor communication skills. I've been told that the best way to learn how to swim is to be thrown in a pool that's 10 ft. deep. Sink or swim. You HAVE TO hack it on your own. My boss told me to relax and just "wing it". I'm winging it alright. I feel like an ostrich trying to fly.

See, I can go on and on if I'm writing. But put somebody in front of me and I'll choke. I cannot be a presenter, a salesperson, a trainor, nor a teacher. And I think that these are the skills that I need to be successful. Is presentation skill something you develop or are there people who aren't really meant for something like that? I need to be convincing if I want to be where I want to be. Does that make sense? How can I make people follow me if I can't make them believe that what I say is right/beneficial to company or whatever?

Sometimes I feel like my facial features say "unsure". Like when people talk to me and they can tell (or seem to think) that I don't know what I'm talking about based on my facial expressions alone. Sure, I can do silly make-faces... but when it comes to serious stuff, I don't think I have a "face" that says "here are the facts, let's get down to business". Hell, I don't think I even have a "here are the facts, let's get down to biznaz, if you know what I mean" face. :| 

Obviously, I'm rambling now. Reading back, I realized that the last few paragraphs don't even have the same idea as the first. This says a lot about my grades back in college and high school. No wonder I barely passed Philosophy. :|

Anyway, the seminar has ended for the day. I guess what I've written above pretty much sums up what's been happening so far. I stuttered, stammered, smiled sheepishly, and probably made a fool out of myself over and over again. But nobody's complaining... yet. So I guess I'm still good to fall flat on my face a few times more.